


Back to Kirkwall

by Tabbykat



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II
Genre: Best Friends, F/M, Friendship, Gen, Kirkwall (Dragon Age), Lovers, Multi, On the Run, Pregnancy, Secrets, The Hanged Man (Dragon Age), Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-13
Updated: 2018-08-01
Packaged: 2019-06-19 19:07:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15516558
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tabbykat/pseuds/Tabbykat
Summary: Sort of a carry over from Aftershocks where Hawke and Fenris return to Kirkwall and ask for help from some old friends.Set after the events of Dragon Age II and before Inquisition.





	1. Old Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First stop: Varric

Varric sat in his rooms in the Hanged Man, nursing a pint of their famous rat flavored ale with a bottle sitting patiently nearby.  He was waiting for the mystery writer of a note he received earlier in the day.  A mix of fear and anticipation churned with the ale in his gut as he waited.  He thought he knew who was coming, and while he would love to see them, it would undoubtedly have complications.

Varric took the notes from his pocket and read it through again.

_Greetings Varric,_

_It has been too long since we last spoke my friend.  If you are willing to meet again, I would like to come by tonight and share a drink with you in your rooms like we did before.  I will see you by mid evening._

_Yours,_

And that was it.  No signature, no seal.  The handwriting was strong, but with a feminine flare to it.  Mysterious and intriguing, it was enough to keep him at home, with his cross bow Bianca close by.  He hadn’t survived as a surface dwarf in the dark side of Kirkwall for so long by being stupid.

He threw back his head and drained the last of his mug in one gulp, quickly refilling it from the bottle nearby after wiping his beardless face with the back of his hand.  Short and stocky like the rest of his kin, Varric was known in the Kirkwall underworld as the one to go to for information, and as someone not to cross.  Anyone on the bad side of Varric soon saw the bad side of Bianca, or Varric’s special friend: The Champion of Kirkwall.

The fact that no one knew where Hawke was wasn’t an issue.  Everyone thought or assumed that being an old friend of hers; Varric knew how to get word to her quickly.  The fact that he had a rat’s fart of an idea to where she was wasn’t something he was going to spread around.

Besides, it would only break their hearts if they knew.

A knock sounded at his door.  Varric’s heart skipped a beat, but outwardly the dwarf was calm.  “Come in,” he called, easing his hand down to his lap where Bianca waited.  But he soon realized he didn’t need it.  Although it wasn’t the one he was expecting, the person who walked through the door was nonetheless a welcome guest.

“Well, by my ancestors!” Varric exclaimed as he stood up to greet his guest, sheathing Bianca on his back. “I never thought I’d see you again Elf!”

Varric eyed Fenris as he entered the room.  A companion from years ago, Varric and Fenris had traveled with the Champion of Kirkwall Tanis Hawke.  They, along with a few other companions, saved the city from Qunari, dragons, and stopped the war between mages and Templars from tearing the city apart.

Tall for an elf, with a shock of white hair and bright blue eyes, Fenris was covered in what appeared to be intricate tattoos, but Varric knew them to be lyrium runes.  Fenris was a Tevinter slave before escaped and met Tanis Hawke and his master, a powerful mage named Danerius, had lyrium branded into Fenris’ skin.  Making Fenris a useful tool for his master’s spell casting.

Varric and Fenris never really mingled outside of battle, but Varric knew him to be a powerful, skilled warrior and respected him as such.  Despite Fenris’ xenophobic anger against magic and all its users.  Varric hadn’t seen Fenris since he ran off with Hawke after the first major mage/templar battle in Kirkwall and while surprised was not displeased to see the broody elf again.  Especially since this meant that Hawke was close by as the elf was never far from her side.

“Varric,” greeted to stoic elf, accepting the handshake that was offered.  “I see the years have been kind to you.”

“And to you Elf, and to you!  Come in! Sit, have a drink with me and tell me what you have been doing all this time!”

Fenris took the offered seat and glanced around the room, ensuring it was empty.

“I’ve been….traveling,” Fenris said as Varric poured another glass and set it in front of him.  “With another of our companions.”

Varric, in the midst of taking another drink, paused with the tankard halfway to his lips before continuing on.  He knew damned fine which companion.  It made for interesting group dynamics once Fenris came into the picture.  Their glorious leader Hawke had eyes for their healer mage Anders before the broody elf came onto the scene.  Soon after though it became clear that the elf was the favored one and Anders had been set aside.

“Yeah? How’s that been working for you?” he asked.

Fenris looked around the room again and leaned his forearms on the table, ignoring his drink.

“Our companion is waiting outside Kirkwall and wishes to speak with you.  Will you come?  Tonight?” he asked.

Varric was taken aback.  There was a sense of urgency to Fenris’ voice, something Varric had never heard before and it made him wary.  The elf was dark, broody, and only quick to anger when magic was involved.  Seeing him like this, edgy, fearful almost, was enough to make Varric twitchy.  And he didn’t like being twitchy.

“Is she in trouble?” he asked softly.

Fenris shook his head.  “No but we need your help.  She would have come to you herself, but could not risk being seen.”

Varric nodded in understanding.  It wasn’t long ago that a Seeker of the Chantry had him questioned about the events that led to the mage and templar uprising all over Thedas.  It had all started in Kirkwall and Hawke had a major hand in the events that transpired, so of course everyone came looking for her to get some answers.  But by the time they came looking for her she -and Fenris- were already long gone.

“You know they’re looking for her,” Varric said.

Fenris’ head shot up, and his body tensed. “Who’s looking for her?” he demanded with a low growl.

“Everyone,” Varric replied bluntly.  “The Chantry, the Circle, the templars, foreign dignitaries trying to turn all this to their advantage; hells, I’d bet Bianca even the Qunari have some fingers in the find-the-Champion pot.  Everyone wants a piece of her, one way or another.”

Fenris relaxed at little bit at that.  At least there were no immediate threats.  These groups could keep hunting for him and Tanis, but he doubted they’d ever catch up unless she wanted them to.

“That’s why she couldn’t come into the city,” he nodded in understanding.  “Too much could happen if she was recognized.”  Fenris paused and looked down at her hands. “Please, will you meet with her?”

“Of course I’ll meet with her Elf,” Varric said rising from his chair.  “If for no other reason then I need some answers of my own.”


	2. New Hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Three old friends hatch a new plan

Fenris and Varric left the Hanged man a few hours after Fenris showed up.  Despite his agitation to get back to Tanis as swiftly as possible, Varric made the argument that if they left too soon, people would think something was happening and follow.  Fenris reluctantly subsided, but spent the rest of his time there like he had something unpleasant crawling in his pants.

They had walked a few hours outside of Kirkwall, and it was close to the middle of the night by the time they approached an empty campsite.  The only indication that it was there was the fire in the center of the clearing, a beacon in the darkness around it.  Someone had obviously been there recently, but there was no sign of them now.

Fenris had noticed this too and quickened his pace, frantically searching the darkness.

“Tanis?” he called.  “Tani where are you?”

_Tani?_ Varric thought to himself.  _When did that happen?_

A rustling in the brush had them both reaching for their weapons before they could make out Tanis and her hound Áedán coming forward.

Áedán saw Varric and bounded towards him, a big doggy grin on his face.

“Hey Pup!” Varric exclaimed as the dog reached him.  Áedán promptly flopped down onto his side and rolled onto his back, all four legs dangling in the air.  Varric obligingly reached down to scratch the hound’s belly, keeping a watch on the other two out of the corner of his eye.

“Where were you?” Fenris asked worriedly as he hurried over to Tanis.

“By the Maker Fenris!  I went to take a piss!  I can still do that on my own you know,” she exclaimed with a laugh as he reached her.  She slipped her arms around his waist and kissed him on the cheek.  “I even took Áedán with me because I knew you would worry.”

Áedán whined and looked up at Varric with such a pained expression he had to laugh.

Tanis turned from her lover towards the dwarf and hound and smiled.  “He wasn’t very fond of the experience to say the least,” she said.  Varric stopped the belly scratching to greet his old friend.

She hadn’t changed much over the years since he last saw her.  The Champion was still tall and slender, her white hair was a little longer than he remembered, but her violet eyes were still bright with life and mischief.  He noticed that she had put on a little weight, to the point where she had discarded her armor in the camp and wore only a simple tunic and some leggings.  Varric only noticed because it was so out of character for her.  Tanis once joked with Varric that she felt more naked without her armor or a weapon than she did without clothes, and now she had neither.

Varric knew something big was going on, and hopefully he would find out very soon.

“Well well well, if it isn’t the infamous Champion!” Varric cried as he reached for Tanis’ outstretched hand.  “Fenris has told me you two have been traveling together.  Not getting into trouble without me and Bianca are you?” he asked, patting the crossbow peeking out from over his shoulder.  “You know you can’t get out of it without us.”

Tanis laughed at her old friend.  “I see you haven’t changed a bit Varric, and that Bianca still stands in my way,” she joked.

“I think it’s more than just Bianca now,” Varric replied, eying Fenris playfully.

Tanis grinned at the two men and motioned them to sit down.

“Come, Varric, join us,” she said.

Varric took the proffered seat on a nearby rock, while Tanis sat across the fire from him on a log big enough for two.  Fenris hesitated to join them.

“I’m going to make sure we weren’t followed,” he said to Tanis.  “I won’t be long.  Do you need anything?”

Tanis rolled her eyes.  “Go love,” she said.  “I have Varric, Bianca and Áedán here to look after me.  I’ll be fine.”  Fenris nodded to them both before stepping off into the darkness.  Áedán ambled over to his mistress and lay down next to her.  Tanis’ hand came down as she absentmindedly scratched at his ears.

“I see the Elf has changed…a lot,” Varric noted once Fenris was out of earshot.  “I don’t remember him playing nurse maid to you before.”

Tanis sighed.  “I know,” she said.  “Things have changed these last few years Varric.  I’ve changed, and while I know you and the rest of my adoring public think I am invincible and can take on an arch demon single handedly, there are some things even the famed Champion cannot tackle on her own.  That’s why Fenris and I came back.  We need your help.”

‘Now now, Hawke,” Varric chided.  “I thought I taught you better than that.  Talk the mark up, flatter them, bribe them, _then_ tell them what you need.”

“I wish I had that kind of time,” she said softly.  Varric immediately sobered.

“You know I will do anything for you that’s in my power Hawke,” he said.  “What do you need?”

Tanis just looked at him for a moment.  Reaching down behind her, she pulled out a wine skin and tossed it over.  Varric caught it in mid air and eyed her questioningly.

“Your bribe,” she said with a grin. “Not as good as the Hanged Man’s vintage, but I think you’ll like it.”

Varric nodded and took a swig.  He had to grudgingly admit it was better than the Hanged Man’s.

“People are still looking for me, aren’t they,” she said.  It was more of a statement then a question, and Varric let his silence answer.  She nodded at him and leaned forward.

“I’m sorry that I had to bring you out here, but you can obviously guess why.  I can’t be recognized, it’s still too hot for me in Kirkwall.  That’s why I’ve stayed away for so long.  We have to keep on the move.  Fenris and I have been traveling, mostly around Fereldan, helping out where we can where the fighting gets bad.”  She shook her head.

“I never would have come back here if it wasn’t important.”

Varric was getting a bad feeling but before he could say anything Fenris returned.

Glancing at Varric, he addressed Tanis.  “The night seems clear enough,” he said.  “Did you tell him yet?”

“No, I was about to though.”  She gestured for him to sit beside her on the log.  He settled himself and slipped his arm around her waist.

Varric was born in Orzamar, the dwarven capital city, located far, far underground.  Once he was the second son of a wealthy dwarven house.  But coming to the surface had stripped Varric, his elder brother Bartrand, and their entire household of all the standing that a noble house would normally have on the surface.

As a result, Varric had to make a new life for himself, away from the money, prestige, pomp and ceremony of the nobility in the slums of Kirkwall.  Living in the shadows, trading secrets for gold, Varric had navigated the warren of lies, deceit and subterfuge to become one of the more prominent and important members of the Kirkwall underground.

But despite his proficiency at the life he had carved out for himself, even Varric, as stoic and laid back as he was, could reach his limit when others were playing his game.

“Ok, I’m all for cloaks and daggers, but enough is enough,” said Varric with a wave of his hands.  “Something big is going on here and I would love it of you two love birds let me in on the secret.”

“We need a place to stay,” Tanis said abruptly.  Varric was taken aback, but kept his council as she continued.  “A quiet place; in the city or near it, for about a year or so.  And _no one can know I’m there_.  We need you to hide us Varric.  Please.”

“Why,” he asked bluntly after a moment.  “You know I will do it, but I need to know why so I can plan for any…eh, let’s say unpleasantness… if word leaks out that the Champion of Kirkwall is back in town.  In hiding no less.”

Fenris and Tanis looked at each other before Tanis answered him.

“I’m pregnant.”

****

“Well,” Varric said, taking another swig from the wine skin.  “This makes things interesting.”  I think that this was the last thing he had ever imagined his old friend would ever ask him.  A place to hide where she could bear her child in secret.

I nodded at him.  “I’m pregnant with Fenris’ child,” I repeated.  I felt Fenris’ arm around my waist tighten slightly at those words, and Varric’s eyes flickered at the motion.  I think he noticed.

“We won’t be able to travel much longer, and not at all once the baby is born,” I continued.  “We need a safe place to have the baby before we move on again.”

I paused and looked down at my hands.  “You’re the only one I can trust with this Varric.  Please say you’ll help us.”

“Well that explains why the broody Elf is so touchy-feely over you,” Varric said as he gestured to Fenris.  “Congratulations by the way Fenris!  Making a family at last.  And of course I’ll help you!  Hiding pregnant Champions gone rogue is my specialty!  Besides I think I know just the place.  But let me ask a few questions of my own.”  He waited till he saw us nod in acknowledgement.

“Why me?” he asked.  “Aveline is still Guard Captain of Kirkwall, why not ask her?”

I raised an eyebrow at that.  Varric waved me off.

“Ok, yeah, bad idea,” he said.  “Aveline is a little to straight laced to hide the reappearance of a pregnant Champion.”  That elicited a small chuckle from Fenris.

“Question number two however,” he continued.  He leaned closer to the fire towards us.  “What do you mean ‘move on again’?”

Fenris’ eyes tightened as he looked away, and I like to think I had the grace to look abashed.

“We can’t travel with a baby,” I said.  “I don’t know when people will stop searching for me, and until they do it’s not safe for an innocent child.  We were hoping-” a grunt from Fenris caught my attention for a moment before turning back to Varric.

“ _I_ was hoping we could leave the child with you and Aveline to raise.”

I tensed inside at those words.  This was something we had argued over often.  After losing the memories of his past to the pain of the lyrium branding, Fenris was -to say the least- reluctant to give up his child, no matter how much sense it made.  But I think what bothered him most was the very real possibility that the babe could be mage born.

“You know, if dwarves could have heart attacks, you would have given me one three times over by now,” Varric said drawing me back to the conversation.  “What in the Maker’s name makes you think I am capable of raising a child!  Never mind what it would do to my reputation.”  He mockingly preened at this.

“Besides do you really want your baby to be raised among cut throats, thieves and prostitutes?”

“My thoughts exactly,” growled Fenris.

“You’ve been there for me since the beginning Varric, never once have you turned your back on me.  And you wouldn’t be raising the child alone,” I reminded him.

“Fenris is a warrior, and I am a rogue.  I for one want this baby to know the worlds of both its parents, even-” my voice broke for a moment.  “Even if it never meets us,” I finished.  “Who else can I trust with this?”

Varric was silent for a long, long moment, taking more than one swig from the wineskin as he thought.

Raising the child of the Champion of Kirkwall, the child of two of his oldest friends.  I think Varric knew he couldn’t say no.  He would probably play it off as a great opportunity for himself, and the fact that it would grant him leverage over certain parties if the secret ever got out, but I knew the truth.  Varric had grown up in the dark heart of Kirkwall, but he had a good heart.  One that wouldn’t let him say no.

“Of course I’ll help you Hawke!” Varric said at last, opening his arms wide. “What else am I here for? Shady real estate deals, hiding identities, and currying messages.  All your clandestine needs right here!” he thumped a fist on his broad hairy chest.  Fenris and I smiled at that.

“I would also appreciate it if you would send word to Aveline, Bethany, and Merrill once we get settled where you place us,” I continued.  “I want to speak to all of you at once and it would be nice to see you all again.”

“Sure sure,” Varric waved his hand at me.  “We’ll have a good old fashioned reunion.  Too bad the Prince and Ravini can’t make it.”  He was referring to the last two of our companions who had parted ways with me after the battle with Meredith.

“Now that business if concluded,” he said briskly, taking another swig from the wineskin I gave him and passing it over.  “Let’s move on to more…companion-y topics.”

“What’s this I hear about a dead Grey Warden apostate?”


	3. Secrets and Favors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Varric sets up the lovebirds in a new home

“This is your idea of a safe place?” exclaimed Fenris, turning to Varric.  Áedán gave a small whine and looked up at me.  As I looked around the cellar I couldn’t help but agree with both of them.

It had been two weeks since our first meeting with Varric and while he had said that he knew the perfect place, I never would have expected this.

We were in the bottom most level of an estate in Kirkwall’s High Town, a section of the city where all the nobles and important people lived.  I had one of these estates when I was Champion.  They were large, roomy, bright and airy, so under normal circumstances this place would be perfect to have children and raise a family.

If it wasn’t for the fact that I knew it was haunted.

“Oh come one!” said Varric. “You wanted a place to hide, and here it is!” He opened his arms wide to take in the dark cellar.

“I figured having an abandoned estate would come in handy one day, so I kept up the rumors that it was haunted so people would leave it alone.  I spent the last few years digging out that tunnel to Darktown for quick and easy access so it’s perfect!  Keep to the inner rooms at night where no one can see the light, keep quiet, and no one will know you’re here.”  Varric smiled at me.

I looked back doubtfully at him.  Years ago before I left Kirkwall, Varric, Fenris, Anders and I went into the Deep Roads on an expedition lead by Varric’s brother Bartrand.  We found a red lyrium idol infused with the bad kind of sentient magic in an ancient dwarven settlement -a thaig- while we were there.  But Bartrand betrayed us, taking the idol and sealing us inside, leaving us to die.

Needless to say that didn’t happen.

We had to fight some demon-infested rock monsters, but we got out.  And once we caught up with Bartrand again, he had been driven stark raving mad by the idol.  We managed to save him, but unbeknownst to us a piece of the idol was left behind in the house and the spirit or whatever that was still trapped inside was wreaking havoc.

So once again, I came to the rescue.  We cleared out the idol, the ghosts, and left the place sealed up.  And apparently Varric found other uses for it.

“You’re sure it’s clear?” I asked.  “I’m starting to get too big to fight demons and spirits.” I patted my growing belly.

“I swear Hawke,” Varric raised his hands defensively.  “I’ve had at least one of my people in here almost every day since we cleared the house out the last time.  Nothing has been reported to me.  The only ‘ghosts’ in this house are the ones I created.  Now come on!” He waved us to follow him as he headed up the stairs.  “I’ve spent a lot of good coin these past two weeks fixing the place up nice and proper for you.  The least you can do is look at it.”

Fenris and I looked at each other before I lead the way up the stairs after the dwarf.

Varric lead us through the main floor of the house, and I could see that nothing remained of the old estate when it was Bartrand’s.  Instead most of the outer rooms were empty with heavy drapes over all the windows, while the inner rooms held a few crates, some stools, and one room had a series of cots.  Varric continued on, leading us through the great hall and up the stairs, where there were three rooms that were once used as bedrooms and a study.

Varric opened the door to the central room and stood aside for us to enter.  I walked in a looked around.  It was better than the last time I saw it, covered in blood and crazy dwarf.  The room was relatively square with a small jut off on the back left corner where a large four poster feather bed kept home.  The wall to my left leading up to the bed was lined with bookcases.  To my right there was a wardrobe, a fireplace with a fire already blazing, and a crib along the back wall across from me.  A few well padded chairs and sturdy end tables filled out the rest of the room quite nicely.

“Very nice Varric,” I congratulated him.  One thing concerned me though. “What about the fire?” I asked.  “Won’t people see the smoke?”

Varric laughed at me.  “You would think I didn’t plan for these things Hawke!”  He gestured to the fire place.  “I couldn’t count on people writing off the smoke as easily as they would the lights and noises, but neither could I count on my people not needing a fire once in a while.  So I hunted around until I was able to find someone to tie in the chimneys of this house with those surrounding us.”

“You can do that?” asked Fenris, surprised.  Varric shrugged.

“Cost me a lot of money, but apparently you can.”

“You spared no expense Varric,” I said.

“But you haven’t seen it all!” Varric left the room, motioning us to follow again.  We headed out to the room at the right of the stairs.

Once Bartrand’s study, Varric had revived some of the room’s old purpose.  There was a table in front of us, with chairs for ten people.  Another fireplace on the left hand side contrasted with the fully equipped writing desk across from it.  More heavy drapery, the theme of the decor I was starting to guess, hung over the windows preventing light from getting in or out.

Varric obviously meant this room to be a meeting place when the old band came visiting, with enough chairs for more than all intended.

“Expecting a family reunion?” I quipped, gesturing towards the chairs.  I frowned as I saw a tenth chair, pulled back a bit from the table. Varric noticed and cleared his throat nervously.

“I uh…thought you might like it if we kept a place for Leandra,” he said softly.  My mother.

Tears pricked my eyes as a bent over to hug him.  “Thank you Varric,” I said as I kissed the top of his head.

“Motherhood is making you soft Hawke,” he grumbled as he turned to leave the room.  Fenris and I followed him once more and we stood on the balcony overlooking the great hall.

“You two are all set to play happy household,” said Varric.  He gestured to the third and final room to our left.  The door was closed, and the only one we hadn’t explored yet.

“That’s your dining room, and I’ll be bringing a girl in tomorrow morning to cook your meals and help out with whatever else you need done around here.  I’ve got an inner room set up for her downstairs so she can move in permanently with you two.”

“I thought this was going to be a secret?” Fenris asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Easy Elf,” Varric said with a smile.  “Remember that elf girl you saved from those ruins?”

“You mean Lia?” he asked, referring to a maid who had been kidnapped by the son of a magistrate.  The lad claimed demons were at work in his mind, urging him to kill elf children for being too beautiful, but I strongly suspected he was just plain crazier than a wolf on the full moon, and put him down as such.  I could not let him loose to wreck havoc on the lives of more innocents.  It wouldn’t do my reputation any good.

“No no, the other one.  The one Hawke hired after you rescued her from being a slave.”

“Oh!  Orana!” I exclaimed.  To be fair, we had saved a lot of elf maidens during my old life.  It was starting to get hard keeping track of them all.

When Fenris’ former master sent his apprentice Hadriana after him, we went on the offensive and hunted her down.  Along the way we found a young blonde elf maiden named Orana who would have been sacrificed to fuel her mistresses’ blood magic ritual, but we managed to free her.  I gave her a job in my household after that, and she proved to be diligent and hard working.  She was a sweet young girl, and when I left Kirkwall I had made sure she would be hired on and taken well care of in the estate of a friendly noble family.

I missed few people from my old life who weren’t my companions, but Orana was one of them.  It would be good to see her again.

“What about Aveline and the others?” Fenris asked.

“I sent the messages out to them this morning.  We’ll all troop in here together mid day this time next week.  Now,” Varric said as he turned and began heading down the stairs.  “If you’ll just see me off, I’ll leave you two lovebirds to your new nest.”

Once again we wandered through the house, minus Áedán who stayed behind to test the floor in front of the fireplace.  We wound up back down at the cellar where Varric pointed out one more feature of the new and improved haunted house.

It was a door a foot and a half thick, made of solid oak and banded with iron.  It could be locked from either side, by either one of the two key holders: Varric and myself.  The door opened into an excavated tunnel that lead into the poorest district of Kirkwall, a dismal place called Darktown.  Another door, twin to the one in the cellar, waited on the other end in a place few dared ventured: Ander’s clinic.

When I first met Anders, he had a clinic in Darktown where he tended to the city’s ill who couldn’t afford a doctor.  Few now frequented the area, whether they had legitimate business or not.  No one wanted to be caught in the lair of the mage who destroyed half of Kirkwall.

Fenris and I bid farewell to Varric, promising him good ale when next he came with the others.  After we had closed the door behind him, Fenris put his arm around my waist and began leading me back up the stairs.

“Still doubt trusting Varric?” I teased.  Fenris smiled at me.

“He has done a good job,” he admitted.  “I think with everything he’s done, we could be safe here.”  I stopped him at the top of the cellar stairs and put my arms around his neck.

“Well then love,” I whispered with a grin on my face.  “How about we break in that new bed of ours?”


	4. Family Reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A bitter sweet moment when most of the companions are gathered and absences are noted

“What in the name of the Maker are we doing in this cursed place Varric?” Aveline’s voice echoed up from the

great hall of our new home.  True to his word, Varric had brought the rest of the old band to the mansion one week after Fenris and I had settled in.

“Why does everyone assume because this house was haunted it’s cursed?” I heard Varric ask innocently.  I chuckled softly to myself at that, and looked over to Fenris.

We were standing in what I had taken to calling our study waiting for the others to join us and discover why they were brought here.  We had agreed to keep our reappearance in the city a secret from our companions as long as possible, which is why we didn’t go down to the cellar to greet our guests as they first arrived.  Instead we stood on the far side of the room, in between the fireplace and the writing desk, with food and drink that Orana had prepared laid out on the table in front of us.

Fenris and I had settled into an easy routine these last two weeks.  We spent the days talking with Orana, reading to each other, and playing with Áedán in some of the larger rooms.  None of us had ventured outside the mansion since we first arrived; a situation I felt was fast drawing to a close.  You couldn’t keep a Mabari locked up inside for months on end, and I knew soon enough arrangements would have to be made to get Áedán in and out on a regular basis without being seen.

Not to mention I could already feel the walls starting to close in on me.

“A haunting generally has that effect,” another, familiar voice said dryly, drawing me back to the present.

Myheart skipped a beat.  It was my sister Bethany.  I hadn’t seen her since I left Kirkwall almost two years before.  I wasn’t sure how she would react to seeing me again.

“Oh, I don’t know,” chirped a higher, more lilting voice.  “I think it adds a wee bit of charm to the place.”  Of all the ones I had left behind, Merrill and Bethany were the ones I was worried most about seeing again.

With Bethany, I was just plain scared.  We had gotten along well enough as children and sisters when we were younger, and I like to think she felt a bit of pride at being the sister to the Champion of Kirkwall, the Champion of Mages as the mage community was calling me, but I left without saying goodbye, and without helping to rebuild the city I had almost destroyed.  After losing her twin, our brother Carter to an ogre as we were first fleeing Lothering, being forced to enter the circle against her will, and then losing mother to a crazed necromancer blood mage, I’m sure my decision did not sit well with her.

I reasoned with myself that it was what was best at the time.  Keeping her in the dark I thought would keep her safe against anyone who would try to use her against me, to find me.  It would keep her safe even if she were questioned, but now I wasn’t so sure.

And Merrill….Merrill was special.  A Dalish elf, and a blood mage to boot, Merrill was the one companion that Fenris had the greatest issue with, so for the most part I was more concerned about what seeing her again would do to him, especially with my growing heavy with his child.  Merrill always was special from the day I met her.  Her attitude towards demons and spirits was far too cavalier and naive for comfort, and in the end it had cost her the life of her Keeper and her entire clan.  But even after all that, she still persisted on her course and I think that’s what scared me the most about her.

Aveline I knew would take all this in stride.  The oldest of my companions, I had met her and her Templar husband Ser Wellesy Vallen as my family and I were fleeing the Darkspawn horde attacking Lothering.  Sadly her Ser Wellesy had been tainted by their blood and didn’t survive the trip to Kirkwall.  Aveline killed him to keep him from turning into one of the creatures all of Thedas feared and despised above all others.

When the four of us, myself, Bethany, Aveline and mother arrived at Kirkwall, Aveline had nowhere else to go so she had stuck by me and my family through the years, getting a position in the Kirkwall guard, moving up to become Guard Captain, and eventually putting the memory of Wellesy aside and marrying a fellow guardsman named Donnic.  A good man Donnic, but poor Aveline.  She was so enamored with the man, yet so inept at relationships and dating I had to play a very large, very uncomfortable role as matchmaker to get them together.  Thank the Maker it worked.

During our travels together Aveline had shown herself to be among the most level headed and stable of all those I had gathered around me, something I was very grateful for in times of darkest chaos.

Echoing voices and footsteps on the stairs just outside the door brought me back to myself.  I really needed to stop losing myself in the past, it was becoming a bad habit.  I wiped my damp palms on my trousers and looked again to Fenris.  Maker I was nervous!  But Fenris just looked back at me, my center of calm in what I was sure was going to be a rising storm, and smiled.

Aveline was the first to enter the room, followed by Bethany, Merrill and Varric.  Aveline was also the first to see us, her guardsman training kicking in as she scanned the room for threats and escape routes.  Aveline said nothing as our eyes met in silent understanding, and bless her, she just grew quiet and stepped aside allowing the others to file in.

Bethany and Merrill both saw me at the same time and froze in the doorway, leaving Varric to squeeze between them to get into the room.  No one moved and the silence seemed to stretch on forever.  I could only imagine what we would have looked to an outsider, and had to stifle a giggle.  This whole thing seemed like a bad joke.  A dwarf, two elves and three humans walked into a tavern…

Merrill was the first to break the silence.  “Hawke!” she squealed and darted forward.  I think she would have thrown her arms around me in a hug if Fenris hadn’t tensed at her movement.  Instead Merrill had to content herself with skidding to a halt a few inches from crashing into me and bouncing on her feet in nervous excitement.

“Hawke you’re back!” she chirped, clapping her hands together in childish joy.  Merrill hadn’t changed since I last saw her.  She still found joy in the smallest of things, and she still had the exuberance of a puppy.   Her black hair was still cut just below her ears, with sporadic braids in the Dalish fashion.  She was still pale of complexion, and her Dalish tattoos, the ones that always reminded me of the branches of a tree, spread across her petite features.

I laughed at her energy.  As much as her attitude towards blood magic worried me, I was glad to see some things hadn’t changed.  “It is good to see you too Merrill,” I said as I leaned in for a hug.  Fenris’ feelings be damned.  Merrill was still my friend.

Merrill gave me a quick squeeze and immediately launched herself at Fenris.  “It’s good to see you too Fenris,” she said.  I had to laugh again as Fenris cleared his throat and awkwardly patted her back.

“Err…yes, you to,” he finally managed before she skipped out of his grasp.

I turned to Aveline next.  The stoic, strawberry blond Guard Captain stared back at me with her unflinching green gaze.  “Hawke,” she said with a smile and a nod.  “Welcome back.”

“Getting bored without me yet Aveline?” I asked, arching my brow at her.

“Happily so,” was the dry response.  Once upon a time Aveline complained about all the excitement I brought into her life during my adventures in Kirkwall when she first gained her post as Guard Captain.

Finally I turned to face her, Bethany, my sister.  She still wore her dark hair in long loose waves down her back.  With her dark hair and dark eyes, so different from my white and lavender, few ever if at all realized we were sisters.  The only link between us was our similar features and complexion.

“Sister,” I said simply, walking forward with my arms open, hoping she wouldn’t turn me away.  She stared at me for a moment, shock apparent on her face, before her eyes filled with tears and she stepped into my embrace.  We hugged each other for long moments, not needing words to say how much we had missed each other, sisters to the end.

Finally stepping back I held her at arm’s length.  “Can you ever forgive me for leaving the way I did Bethany?” I asked.  Bethany smiled at me through her tears and shook her head.

“I didn’t think I could Tani, I thought I would hate you forever for abandoning me,” she said.  “But when the Chantry came asking questions, I understood why you did what you did.”  My eyes flickered over to Varric at this.  He had told me of his time at the hands of a Seeker of the Chantry.  I just hadn’t realized he had made it known to the others.

I hugged my sister again and then turned to address the room

“It is good to see you all again, and I am sure you have many questions.  So let us not waste any more time,” I said with a smile and indicated the chairs in front of us.  “Sit, eat, and let us talk of happier times.”

Everyone was only too happy to oblige, and took seats around the table.

For hours we talked, drank, and laughed at old times and new tales.  Varric regaled us with the rumored exploits of Isabela, the Ravini pirate queen who had joined us on our travels then took to the seas again once Meredith was defeated.  Bethany filled Fenris and I in on what she was doing to help the Circle of Kirkwall rebuild itself after so many had been killed or defected in the fighting.  Merrill spoke of her life in the Ailenage, a name given to the place in every city where the elves were delegated to live, and how she had finally decided to turn her back on blood magic with Bethany’s help.  Aveline told us of her life in the guard with Donnic, how hard it was to restore order after that final battle, but how the new Viscount of Kirkwall was doing a good job of bringing things back in line.

Fenris spoke of our adventures in Fereldan, doing what we could to mend the tear we had rent in the relationships between mages and the rest of the world, much to his dismay at the time.  And I told my story of my final confrontation with Anders.  Varric had already heard the story several weeks ago, and no one seemed surprised with my tale, as it was met with grim nods all around.

“What of Sebastian?” I asked Aveline at one point.  Sebastian was a prince of Starkhaven, and the last of my missing companions.  He joined me for a brief time, but left after I had spared Anders’ life when he blew up the Kirkwall Chantry, threatening retribution with his armies on Kirwall for harboring dangerous mages.  I could hardly fault him for how he felt; he was raised in the Chantry, and the Grand Cleric Elthia who was like a mother to him died in that explosion.

Aveline shook her head.  “There’s been no word yet from him or rumors of a Starkhaven army marching on Kirkwall,” she reported.

“If I write him a letter, would you make sure it gets to him?” I asked.  “I understand how he feels, but Kirkwall has suffered enough from war.  There is no need for him to bring his armies now that Anders is dead.”  Aveline nodded.

Finally though, I felt the night drawing to a close and knew I must finally tell them what brought me back to Kirkwall after so long away.

“Well,” I said.  “Now is the time to tell you all what I have been studiously avoiding for the last few hours, the reason why Fenris and I have come back and brought you all here.”

The room fell quiet as I felt all eyes turn to me.  Fenris was seated beside me and I held his hand under the table.  This was not going to be easy, so I might as well go for broke.

“I’m pregnant.”

Stunned silence met my pronouncement before Merrill squealed and everyone started talking at one, offering congratulations and standing up to come and hug me.  I laughed and smiled, accepting the good wishes as they came, before motioning everyone back to their seats.

“Oh this is so much fun!  I’m going to be an auntie!” Merrill said excitedly.

“Yes, thank you,” I said, turning to Fenris.  “We’re both quite happy with the news.  But I must ask a boon of you, all of you.”  I looked at each one in turn before addressing them.

“You all know that people are still looking for me, for answers and other…things…” I began, and everyone nodded in agreement.  “A child would not be safe with us, and Fenris and I cannot stay in Kirkwall forever.  We will eventually be found out.”  I looked at Aveline as I continued.

“I want you and Varric to raise the child once we’re gone,” I said.

Aveline stared at me in shock, and I could feel Bethany’s hurt gaze upon me as well.  I would answer to her soon enough.  “What…why…” Aveline spluttered, at a loss for words.  Shaking her head and regaining her composure, she tried again.

“Why me and Varric?” she asked, and I explained my reasoning’s.  With a human rogue for a mother and an Elven warrior for a father, this child was going to have an interesting heritage to say the least, and I wanted it raised with an equally interesting education.  Aveline and Varric were my only choices.

“Varric’s already agreed dependent upon you,” I finished.  “I won’t ask for a decision tonight, and if you say no, we’ll find other arrangements.  But I wanted to ask this of you first because I trust the two of you to do this.”

I turned to Bethany.  “I’ll need your help too sister,” I said.

“Why?” she asked.  “Aveline and Varric are going to raise the baby, not me.”  I heard the bitterness in her voice, but chose to ignore it.

“I’ll need you and Merrill if the baby is mage born,” I said.  Well, _that_ got her attention.  Bethany blinked and sat up straighter with that statement.  I don’t think the possibility had occurred to her yet.

“You want me to raise my little niece or nephew in the Circle?” she asked hesitantly.  I nodded.

“Too much harm has come from mages untrained and in hiding, not knowing how to control their powers.  You were different, you had father to look after you, and father was Circle trained.  Now I want you to raise and train this child if they have any magical talent, alongside Merrill,” I said.

“But Hawke,” Merrill said.  Now it was her turn to sound uncertain as she looked nervously at Fenris.  “You know my history with magic, why would you want me to help raise your baby?”

“You and Bethany have had different training in magic yes,” I answered looking in turn at Fenris.  We could talk circles around the subject but I knew he would never be okay with Merrill having a hand in raising his child, but I was not about to let this baby go about life unprotected and blind.  “But that’s what I want this baby to have.  It needs as much knowledge as you are all willing to give it, and no offense Merrill, but I think you would also serve as an example of what happens to those who overstep the bounds of magic.”

Merrill had nothing to say to this, but I think she understood.  She had lost and sacrificed much she was not willing to lose in her quest for knowledge in magic, and I hoped she would serve as a cautionary tale to my child if it was mage born.

I sighed and rubbed my temples.  It was getting late, I was tired, and the waves of tension rolling off the elf sitting right beside me were not helping.  I wanted to wrap this up and crawl into bed where I would sleep for a year if I was lucky.

Aveline noticed I was getting tired and motioned to the others.  “I think it’s time for us to take our leave,” she said as she stood up from the table.  “It’s getting late and we all have much to think on.”

There were muttered agreements as we all stood up and began filing through the house.  Saying our goodbyes in the cellar, I hugged them all and thanked them for coming, telling them all to come back soon and Aveline to bring Donnic next time.

“You know the secret entrance isn’t going to remain a secret if we keep traipsing through Hawke,” Varric pointed out.

“I know Varric, but I’m going to be stuck here for a few more months, and by the end of it I’m going to want to kill something if the only company I have is Fenris and Áedán,” I said, looking at my lover with a smile.  “No offense love.”

“I think I’ll be in the same boat before long,” Fenris said with a snort.  Varric sighed.

“Fine, I’ll see what I can do to get us all in and out to visit you without being too noticed,” he grumbled.  I grinned at the dwarf.  “Thanks Varric.”

With final goodbyes Varric, Aveline, Bethany and Merrill left us, the door closing with a definitive thud behind them, the snick of a key in the lock the only noise in the following silence.  I stood staring at the door with my arms wrapped around myself for a few moments, Fenris quiet beside me.

“We’re doing the right thing, right Fenris?” I asked, my voice a whisper.  Fenris didn’t answer.  He just took gentle hold of my arm and led me back up the stairs.


	5. A New Arrival

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hawke's time is upon her

“By the Maker Fenris, if you don’t stand aside now I will stab you!” I glared at him, my hands braced on my hips.

Fenris shook his head at me.  “Tanis, you really think I’m going to let you out of here when you’re so close?” he gestured to my swollen belly.

I continued to stare daggers at him, refusing to back down.  I was nearing the end of my pregnancy so I was huge and feeling more than a little ungangly.  But I had also been cooped up in that damnable manse for months and was starting to lose what little sanity I had.  I had to get out, if only for five minutes.

“Dammit, I only need five minutes!” I exclaimed.  “You and Áedán get to leave this place once a week or so, why won’t you give me this?”  I knew being locked up with me wouldn’t do my hound any good, so I had made arrangements with Aveline to take him to the City Guard Barracks at least once a week so he could get some exercise.  And since we couldn’t rely on Varric and Orana for everything, even Fenris got to go out once in a while for any supplies we needed.

Fenris sighed at me, stepping forward and putting his arms around me as best he could.  I had started to shiver in the cold of the cellar despite my anger and he saw it.

“It only takes five minutes to be recognized and then where would we be?” he asked as he held me.  “All these months of careful planning, lying low, being quite, it only worked because no one saw you and you know it.”

I growled at him, unwilling to accede his point.  The people weren’t completely stupid.  They had noticed the coming and goings these last few months.  Varric had told me that tongues were starting to wag about the increased activities among the former companions to the Champion of Kirkwall, and that the only reason nothing was done about it was because most of the rumors said that things were being readied to meet me outside of Kirkwall, and possibly the Free Marches themselves.

Maker curse it!  The bastards were right.  We had been so lucky up till now; it would be foolish of me to throw it away when we were so close to the end of it all.  Fenris never flinched at my growl, knowing unlike Áedán, my bark was worse than my bite.  He just stood there, damnably calm and stoic, waiting for me to acknowledge the logic behind it all.

My shoulders slumped as I let out a long, deep sigh, the closest I would ever come that night to saying ‘you’re right’.  I hung my head and wrapped my arms around him, holding him as closely as I could, despite my protruding belly.  “I hate you all,” I muttered into his chest.  Fenris chuckled at me and linking my arm in his he began to lead me up the stairs, back to the three small, increasingly claustrophobic rooms that had been my world for almost eight long months.

“Just a few more days Tanis,” he assured me as we reached the top of the cellar stairs.  “Just a few more days and if even half of what I’ve heard about mothers and newborns are true, you’re not even going to want to leave our room again.”

My heart warmed a bit as he said ‘our room’.  Maker, we had shared a bed for almost five years now, but with everything that had been going on in the beginning, it was only this past year and a half that we had truly started to become close, to become partners and not just lovers.  So sometimes when he said things like that, I felt as giddy as a new bride.  And while a part of me died in mortification and shame every time, the rest of me just didn’t care.  I was too happy.

And uncomfortable.

_Very_ uncomfortable…

I smiled at Fenris as he led me through the manse, but I had to stop him.  Something felt…wrong…different.  I placed a hand on my belly, was it my imagination or was my belly riding lower than normal?

“Tani?” I heard the note of concern in Fenris’ voice as I took stock of myself.  My hand was still on his arm so I patted it gently to reassure him I was ok.

That is before I dug my fingers into him as pain tore through my lower abdomen and I felt a wetness rush down my legs.

“Tanis!” Fenris exclaimed as I cried out in agony and my knees buckled.  I couldn’t help it.  That small piece of one’s sanity that they retain when anything bad happened knew what was happening to me, but Maker did it _hurt._   I knelt there in a puddle of something, eyes closed, teeth clenched, sweat breaking out on my forehead, waiting for the pain to pass.  Fenris I knew was kneeling next to me, I could feel the fear radiating off him, but I think a part of him knew too as he kept silent through the spasm.

Finally, after what seemed like eternity, the pain subsided.  I gasped for air, not realizing I was holding my breath and looked into the worried eyes of my lover.

“I think the baby’s coming,” was all I could whisper.

Fenris nodded quickly to me as he tried to help me up and called for Orana.  I waved him off as I heard Áedán bark and start running through the manse towards us.  I knew he had heard me cry and if I was standing when he saw me, he may very well knock me over.  Not a good thing right now.  Fenris was wise enough to walk a few paces away from me.  You did not want to be near the master of a war hound when they thought their master was in danger.  Even for knowing Fenris for years, Áedán could attack him, thinking him the threat after hearing me cry out like that.

And sure enough my hound came barreling around the corner, teeth bared and ready to protect me.  He slowed as he approached me, seeing no immediate dangers, but he eyed Fenris menacingly.  Fenris keep his eyes away from us, instead addressing Orana as she followed swiftly on the heels of my hound.

“Is it the baby mistress?” she asked in her soft, child like voice.  I turned my attention to Áedán and let Fenris handle her as he stepped between Orana and myself, breaking off all lines of sight.

“Áedán,” I whispered as he circled me, still looking for threats.  “Áedán!” I snapped, and he came next to me, sitting on his haunches and whining softly.  I looked into his eyes as I gave him his instructions.

“Go with Orana,” I ordered him.  “Let her leave, and find Varric.  Stay with Varric, he’ll bring you back to me.  Understand boy?”  Áedán gave a soft woof before whining once more and placing one large paw on my shoulder.  I smiled at him and cradled his face in my hands.  “I’ll be fine boy.  I need you to get Varric okay?” Another soft woof, this one sounding like he had resigned himself to his task as Orana sped past us and he turned to swiftly follow her.

Only once Orana and Áedán were out of sight and presumably on their way did I allow Fenris to help me up off the floor and through the house to our room.  We knew this time was coming swiftly and planned accordingly.  Varric found a midwife, a wizened old prune of a woman, who would work silently for the right amount of coin.  She had paid us several visits over the past few months, giving me orders on what to do and not do as my belly seemed to keep growing and growing.

It was Orana’s job to fetch the old crone, as it was Áedán’s to find Varric and stay with him as he gathered the rest of my companions before arriving hopefully before the babe was born.  Until then it was just me and Fenris.  I prayed they would not be long.

Fenris settled me on our bed and sat next to me holding my hand.  We didn’t speak, my contractions were coming strong and swift, it took all I had to focus through the pain and not crush his hand at the same time.  Fenris spent the time muttering what he thought were soothing words as he split his attention between me and the door, watching for the midwife.

Finally after what seemed like eternity the woman and Orana returned.  The old woman had thin white hair pulled back into a ponytail, long white hairs covered her chin, and she had a permanent scowl on her face.  Despite her age, the midwife still stood tall and I knew from her prodding at me earlier to assess the health of the baby that she was still strong for her age.  Her name was Reika, and when she saw my on the bed she wasted no time in taking over the situation.

“You, elf boy,” she said, pointing a bony finger at Fenris.  “No men.  Out.”  I could see Fenris bristle at her words, and I squeezed his hand, asking him to be calm.

“No,” I said, turning to her. “He stays.  At least until the others get here.”  She stared at me, and I looked right back at her, refusing to back down.  I had seen things this woman could only imagine.  She didn’t scare me.  Finally she looked away and nodded.  “Just don’t get in the way,” she finally grumbled before turning to Orana and ordering her to fetch blankets and boil water.

Reika had come in with a rather large bag, and it was into this she reached, taking out a thick, worn, bloodstained leather spread.  “As long as yer here lad, help me get this under her,” she said to Fenris.  Fenris nodded as he helped me off the bed and the woman laid the spread over the bed sheets, settling me back on top once it was arranged to her satisfaction.

Just in time too.  Another contraction hit me as I settled in again, I cried out before closing my eyes and gritting my teeth against the pain.  “Don’t be pushin yet lass,” the midwife instructed me.  “The babe’s not ready yet.  Ye hang in there ‘till I tell ye.”  I grunted acknowledgement as a familiar bark echoed through the manse.  Áedán had returned, with the others in tow, hopefully.

Áedán was the first to find me, barking happily and wagging his tail.  Thankfully he knew enough not to jump up onto the bed with me, but by the look on his face I knew he had done as I asked.  And sure enough, a string of familiar faces trooped into the room.  Varric, Aveline, Bethany, Merrill, and one I hadn’t seen in a long, long time.

“Isabela?” I gasped.  I hadn’t seen the Ravinni pirate since the battle with Meredith years ago.  She hadn’t changed a bit.  Tall and voluptuous, Isabela still wore just enough to leave nothing to the imagination, and her eyes still sparkled with that light that promised all who saw it a fun night in blood or the bedchamber.  And sometimes the two were not exclusive.  Isabela took her pleasure in whatever form she fancied it at the time, whenever she wanted it.  I always admired that about her, how she had no inhibitions, no matter the trouble they got her into sometimes.

Like stealing a sacred Qunari relic and essentially being the sole cause in a civil war between the grey skinned pacifists and the city of Kirkwall.

“Hawk,” Isabela drawled, taking in my pregnant state and Fenris by my side.  She shook her head at me.  “I leave you alone for a few months and you get yourself knocked up?  What am I going to do with you?”  The corner of her mouth curled up into a half smile that tempted men and women alike.

“Are you alright?” asked my sister Bethany, taking the seat on the other side of the bed opposite Fenris.  “How’s the baby?”

I opened my mouth to answer but was interrupted by another contraction, stronger than the rest.  “The babe’s on its’ way,” the midwife answered for me, “And ye all best be on yer way out unless ye got a pair o’tits and hands t’help me.”  I looked briefly at her, and she was laying out several instruments and bags of herbs, giving Orana brewing instructions as she did so.

“Will you be alright?” Fenris asked me, wiping the beads of sweat that had gathered off my forehead with a cool cloth.  I nodded.  “Take Áedán and Varric to the study,” I panted through the near steady pain.  “The girls and I will be fine.”

“Woah, not this girl,” said Isabela, waving her hands at me.  “I’m going wherever there’s more ale than babies,” she said as she turned and walked out.

“We’ll be in the next room Hawke,” said Varric following her.  Fenris squeezed my hand one last time as he patted Áedán on the head and the two of them took their leave as well.

It was just myself, Bethany, Merrill, Aveline, Orana and the midwife Reika left in the room that was growing increasingly warmer with the fire and added body heat.

“Alright m’ladies,” Reika instructed, “This is what ye’ll be dooin,” The rest of her instructions were drowned out as another contraction ripped through me.

The following hours were a blur of sounds as I focused on breathing through one contraction at a time, each of them growing progressively worse.  I think I felt Bethany take my hand at one point, and every so often I felt something damp and cool on my forehead as I struggled to bring forth new life into this world.

Finally I heard the midwife utter the words I had been longing to hear: “Push lass!”

And by the Maker I did.  I gritted my teeth once more; slightly surprised I still had teeth left to grit, closed my eyes and pushed with every muscle in my body.  The tension in my belly built up until it was released in a crying, squirming rush.  I gasped as I felt my body relax, and only vaguely heard cries of “It’s a girl!” before the pressure mounted once more.

“Yer done lass,” the midwife turned to me with a smile on her face, which quickly disappeared into one of shock as with one more great push I gave birth to a squalling baby boy.

“By the Maker! Twins lass!” the midwife gasped as she quickly swept up the child to be cleaned and placed in the crib with his sister.  I saw none of it, exhausted by my exertions.  I collapsed backwards onto the bed, catching my breath.  My sister leaned over into my field of vision, smiling.

“You did great sis,” she said.  “Mother would be proud.”  A shadow crossed over me as Merrill popped up.

“My goodness Hawke!” she chirped.  “That was incredible!  I’d never seen a human have a baby before, and they are both so cute!” She gave a small squeal before disappearing and I heard her cooing over the crib despite the grumblings of the midwife to get out of her way.  I chuckled weakly at Merrill’s antics.  I didn’t think she would ever change.

Then it was Aveline’s turn to offer me her congratulations, leaning over my bedside and smiling.   “Congratulations Hawke,” she said.  “Have you decided on names?”  I nodded.

“Leandra for the girl,” I said with a glance to Bethany, “Carver for the boy.”  I saw her eyes well with tears as she heard the names.  I would be naming my daughter after our mother and my son after our brother, both dead and gone these long years, both taken from us too soon.  I had suggested to Fenris at one point that if we were to have a girl, maybe naming it after his sister, but he would have none of it.  It was hard enough not remembering his past he said.  He didn’t need a constant reminder of the one time he met his sister and she betrayed him.

Aveline nodded, she too understood where the names came from.  She was there to see Carver killed by the ogre, and she was my oldest companion and a great comfort to me when mother was killed by that madman necromancer mage.

“Fine names,” she said.  “And I’ll raise them to make their parents–and their namesakes–proud.”

I looked at Aveline, startled.  Ever since I first brought the subject up about her and Varric raising the babe–well, babies now–she hadn’t given me a response, despite my insisting that Varric start taking the steps necessary as if she said yes.  I don’t know what made her decide now to accept the responsibility, but I felt a weight lift off my shoulders as she said that.

“Thank you Aveline,” I said with a smile.  She nodded again at me and moved away towards the door.

“I think the father would like to see his children now,” she said as she left the room.  Bethany gave me one last smile as she went to follow, sweeping a reluctant Merrill along in her wake.

The midwife and Orana brought me my children.  Orana held Conner, and Reika placed little Leandra in my arms.  I started down at my daughter, love, pride, and sorrow filling me to bursting as Fenris crept in.  I looked at him and smiled as Reika quietly cleaned up her instruments and took her leave, leaving us and Orana alone.

Orana walked over to Fenris and placed Carver in his arms.  “Your son sir,” she said with a smile.  Fenris looked at her with a hint of panic in his eyes, but managed to hold on to the sleeping bundle without dropping him of which I was quite proud.  Orana followed the midwife out as Fenris made his way over to the bed and sat next to me and Leandra.

We didn’t speak to each other for the longest time.  Neither one of us could find the words.  We just stared at each other and at the miracles in our arms.

Being twins, there was nothing to tell Carver and Leandra apart.  They shared their dusky skin with their father, their slightly pointed ears giving away their half breed heritage, and their fair hair could have come from either of us.  But their eyes, ah, I knew when they looked at us that they got their eyes from me as both had the same vibrant violet eyes of their mother, albeit not as bright a shade as mine.

“Well Fenris?” I asked at last, breaking the silence.

He shook his head at me.  “I…have no words,” he whispered, his eyes never leaving Carver’s sleeping face.  I smiled at that.  I felt like I wouldn’t stop smiling for a long, long time.

“Well I have something to say,” I said softly, waiting a few moments until Fenris was able to tear his gaze from his son and look at me.

“When do you want to try for another?” I asked with a lecherous grin.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Family time is up

“It’s a baby not a sword Donnic,” I chuckled as I watched the awkward guardsman try to hold Connor.  Aveline smiled at her husband and deftly lifted the squirming baby from his arms, much to Donnic’s relief.

Fenris, Aveline, Donnic, Orana and I were all sitting on the floor in our bedroom, talking and eating and playing with the children.  It had been almost four months since Connor and Leandra were born, and I couldn’t be happier.  Bethany, Fenris and I finally had a family again, we were surrounded by friends who loved and cared for us, and things were finally going well and right for me after so long.  I like to think that mother saw some of my happiness and was smiling down on all of us.

In the months since the babies were born, Aveline, Donnic and Varric had become frequent guests, spending time with the children that they would be raising for the Maker only knew how long.  Things had quieted down, and while a part of me hoped that everyone had finally given up on me, I had a feeling it couldn’t last.

I was surprised at how quickly Aveline had taken to the children.  She had quite the maternal side, my stoic guardswoman friend.  If one didn’t know any better, looking at her holding Conner, you would think that she was his mother.  I was oddly proud of this, and I knew she would take good care of them.

“We need to come over more and teach you how to hold a baby properly,” Aveline said with a smile as she bounced Conner in her arms to his coos and gurgles of laughter.

“It’s been months Aveline, I don’t think I’ll get better,” Donnic groaned as he reclined against some pillows.  Fenris picked up Leandra who was beginning to fuss and began to rock her in his arms.

Even at four months you could see who each of them would take after.  Leandra took after her father, stoic and quiet, happy to just lie there and study the world around her.  Conner was like me, rambunctious and full of energy, reaching for everything and anything in sight, and constantly wriggling, trying to get to whatever he saw that interested him.

“You just need to stop thinking of them as something that will break when you look at it and you’ll get the hang of it quickly enough,” I assured him, smiling at Fenris who smirked back at me.  He still had trouble some days holding the twins, but he was getting better.

A soft whine from the bedroom doorway drew my attention.  “Oh come here you big suck,” I said, motioning for Áedán to come over to me.  I had been careful to make sure he didn’t feel neglected with the children around, playing with him and giving him as many belly and ear rubs as I could, but he still liked playing the forgotten one when there were more people around.

Áedán ambled over and flopped down beside me, panting happily as I rubbed his ears.

It was peaceful here, and I was calm and happy, for the first time in a long time.  But then my calm, and my world, was shattered.

“Hawke! Elf!” came a bellowing cry from below, followed by a loud thud as I assume the door to the tunnel in the cellar swing shut.  The four of us leapt to our feet, Áedán scrambling to his feet and racing out the door as we reached for our weapons in the split second before we recognized Varric’s voice.  “We got a problem here!” Varric shouted, his cry closer this time and with the echoing sound of booted footsteps coming towards us.

Aveline and Fenris gave the twins to Orana, who had stood with us at Varric’s cry.

“Orana, stay here with the children until we find out what’s going on,” I directed the young elf woman as the others quickly filed out towards Varric’s call.  I waited until she nodded her acknowledgement, her blue eyes wide, and followed them.

We met up with Varric in one of the corridors leading from the great hall, and when I saw the look on his face my heart stopped.  Something had happened, and a small part of me that I locked in the corner of my mind knew that the time to leave had come far sooner than I wanted.

“What’s happened Varric?” Fenris demanded.  By the set of his shoulders and the tone of his voice I think he knew too.

Varric shook his head, frowning.  “I’ve just gotten word that the Chantry has heard the rumors of the Champion’s return to Kirkwall,” Varric looked directly at me as he said the words that shattered my world forever.  “They’re a day outside of the city.  You need to leave.  Tonight.”

“No, no,” I muttered, shaking my head and wrapping my arms around myself.  “No, they’re wrong Varric.  You’re sources are wrong.  They can’t be so close!  Not yet!”

Fenris came behind me and placed his hands on my shoulders as Varric looked at me sadly.

“My sources are never wrong Hawke,” he said quietly.  “You know that.”

I turned to Fenris. “We can’t leave yet, the twins are still too young,” I stammered.

“Tanis,” Aveline said softly. “You knew this day would come.  Thank Andraste you had this time with them.”  I continued to shake my head at them, denying for as long as I could the truth.  I would have to leave my children, and I may never see them again.

“Tani,” Fenris said with a short shake of my shoulders. That got my attention.  Fenris had never laid his hands on me in such a way before.  I looked at him, and saw that he was hurting just as much as I was.  His ability to hide his emotions was working well for him now; he was holding it together for me I knew.  “We have to leave,” he said slowly.

I took a deep breath and my shoulders slumped.  For a moment the world disappeared as I went deep into myself and gathered up all my fear, pain, and sorrow and locked it away.  There would be time enough for that later, when Fenris and I were safely away from Kirkwall.  The only thing I had left now was my anger.  Anger at the Chantry for coming now and tearing me from my children, anger at the mages and Templars who forced my hand and through me started the war, anger at the whole gods forsaken world that despite being a good person, despite saving all those people, despite doing my best to always do what is right, I am condemned and my children may never know their parents.  Damn you all.

It only took a moment, and I squared my shoulders, giving Fenris a brisk nod that he returned.  He was no fool.  He knew what I did.  But he also knew now was not the time for such things.

“Fine then.  We leave tonight.  Come Áedán,” I beckoned to my hound as I marched back to the heart of the manse, to finish packing and say goodbye to my children.

The rest of the evening was spent gathering the last of the supplies Fenris and I needed for our flight from the city, and waiting for night to fall.

The waiting was the worst.  No one knew what to say.  We just sat there, doing everything we could not to stare at each other and failing miserably at it, while Fenris and I spent what time we could with Connor and Leandra.

When darkness finally fell we all left the manse.  Donnic, Aveline, Varric, Orana, with Fenris and me holding our children one last time.  We traveled a few miles south from the city, in the opposite direction from where the Chantry was approaching from the north.  Finally Varric stopped.

“We go no further Hawke,” he said.  “If we don’t turn back now we’ll never make it back to the city before dawn.”

I nodded, clutching Leandra to my breast briefly before giving her to Aveline.  I looked into the eyes of my oldest friend, and she just nodded to me.

“We’ll care for them as if they were our own Hawke, you know that,” she said.  I returned her nod, gave my little Leandra one last kiss and stepped back as Fenris gave Carver to Donnic.  The twins had been quiet the whole night, almost as if they sensed the need for secrecy, but now they squirmed and fussed in the arms of their new caregivers as they felt the familiar presence of their mother and father leaving them.

Áedán whined softly, looking between the babies and me.  I knew he was asking what was wrong, why was I leaving them behind.  I hadn’t told him anything before our flight, and I couldn’t now.  Not until we were safely away from them.

“Go,” I croaked as Fenris said his goodbye to Connor and Leandra.  “They won’t stay quiet for long.”  Orana stepped up to me and gave me a swift hug.  “Goodbye mistress,” she whispered.  I hugged the young woman back hard before releasing her; she had grown so much in such a short time.  I was glad to have known her.

“Good luck Hawke,” Varric said.  I didn’t trust myself to say anything; the twins had started to cry.  The sound wrenched at my heart but I did nothing.  I just turned and walked away from them with Áedán at my heel and Fenris by my side, the cries of my children for their mother echoing far away into the night.

****

Walking away from you two was the hardest thing I ever had to do, but to this day I believe it was the right thing.

Your father and I wandered Thedas, keeping out of sight of those who sought us, but still doing what we could.  I always felt responsible for the war.  I only ever did what I felt was right, but I still lie awake some nights wondering what I could have done differently to prevent all this.

We’ve watched you grow up from afar, seen the bright and wonderful men and women you’ve become, and we couldn’t be more proud.  I understand if you can’t forgive us for leaving you all those years ago, I only pray that one day you’ll at least accept that we did what we thought was best.  What I thought was best.

But now we need your help my children.  Darkness rises again in Thedas, and just as the lords and ladies of the lands call their people forth, so too do your father and I call for you.

Go to the old Hawke estate, search for the house crest in the cellar.  With luck your father and I will be waiting there for you, and the gods willing you will get the answers you deserve.

Stay safe my darlings.

Love your mother,

Tanis Hawke

Champion of Kirkwall


End file.
